With this ring...ugh.

Disclaimer: The pictures in this post are fuzzy. All of them. And they weren't even taken on the same camera or at the same time. This is proof that my photography skills have not improved, even though I have a better camera. Alas.

This is my engagement ring. (The whole wedding set, actually.)

I think I took this right after we got married. Anyway, I love my engagement ring. LOVE it. It's beautiful and Marcus picked it out all on his own and it's perfect. I bent the prongs around the diamond once and the diamond fell out into my laundry basket, but then we got it re-set in a four-prong setting instead of the weaker six-prong setting it originally had. It looks gorgeous sitting atop my wedding band and is super-sparkly.

That was my engagement ring right after we got married.

Here is my engagement ring now.

This actually happened two weeks ago, but until now, I just haven't wanted to talk about it. It makes me want to cry. Here's what happened.

About 4 months into my pregnancy, my finger got too fat to wear my engagement ring, so I put it away and just wore my wedding band. I should point out that my engagement ring is a size 5, my wedding band a 5 1/4. Why I didn't get my engagement ring re-sized to fit on top of my band, I don't know. I'm sure it was partially laziness and partially money, or lack thereof. Anyway, it was never a problem before I got pregnant. SO. Everyone knows I swelled up like a balloon at the end of my pregnancy and my fingers never quite got back to their usual shape and size, what with losing most of my baby weight, then gaining again, then losing again. But I HAVE lost some and my wedding ring has been sliding around a lot. Two weeks ago I noticed that my wedding band had spend most of the day facing backwards. (It has channel-set diamonds and I had been seeing the back of the ring.) I thought to myself "WOW! I must have lost enough weight to get my fingers back to normal! I wonder if my engagement ring will fit?!?!" So upstairs I went. I got my engagement ring out of the jewelry box and slipped it, almost effortlessly, onto my finger. I was so happy to see it there again. I ran downstairs to show Marcus. Then I tried to take it off. You can guess the rest.

Here's the part where we talk about all the different ways people and the internet tell you to get a stuck ring off of your finger.

SOAP. Should make it slippery, right? Not enough.

LOTION. Tried three different kinds. None of them worked. The ring would turn around, but wouldn't move up and off.

PREPARATION H. It's an anti-inflammatory, right?

COOKING OIL. See lotion.

BUTTER. See cooking oil.

KY JELLY. See Jen blush that her dad knows what that is.

WINDEX. Apparently it's a miracle worker. Every website I visited (and you'd be amazed at how many there are) said to spray your finger with Windex and the ring would twist off in less than a minute. Of course, I was out of Windex, so I tried the other options first. Eventually, after the other options FAILED, I went to the store for Windex. By this time, I'd been smearing stuff on my finger and pulling at the ring for almost two hours. My finger was turning very red and getting chafed. We gave it the ole college try, but Windex, too, failed me.

SO...off to the jewelry store I went where a nice lady cut my ring off my finger with a tiny saw. And then I cried.

Poor Marcus. I think we've officially reached the "this thing has cost more for repairs than it cost for me to buy it" point. I haven't dared to ask when we can get it fixed.

Mistress Platelicker: Episode One

We now return to your regularly scheduled episode of Mistress Platelicker with our hero of the hour, Mistress Platelicker herself, Jen and her tiny sidekick Deano the Bambino. When last we saw our fearless mommy heroine (did I spell that right or did I just call myself a street drug?), she had vowed to practice portion control. "Let all eat like toddlers and, thus, look like hotties," she proclaimed. Like all superheroes, however, Mistress Platelicker has one weakness: spinach dip. Could her willpower withstand this bowl brimming to the top with creamy, spinachy goodness?

Its emptiness tells us NO, she could not.

Or how about this sweet tea from Chick-Fil-A?

It, too, rendered her powerless with its sugary goodness. (It would take a toddler a week and a half to finish a cup that size!!!)

In an attempt to regain her super powers of portion control, the mighty Jen exclaimed this morning " Today is the day!" And so it was.

When lunch time rolled around, Deano the Bambino craved comfort food. His 3 1/2 teeth longed to bite through something tender, but also something with some POP to it. And so, our super hero mommy made lunch:

Behold! The small portion of pasta! (that's mine in the red bowl. Dean eats a lot for a little dude)

Behold! The part-skim mozzarella cheese, packed with calcium and protein for strong bones!

Behold! Green peas! In the middle of the day, even!

She ate. And she was satisfied.

Deano the Bambino remains unimpressed.

Moooooooooom, quit making up stories and cut up my pear!

Join us next time as our dynamic duo conquers BREAKFAST!