If you cut yourself, I'm totally there for you.

I had grand plans today of doing laundry, going to Hallmark to purchase cards for our friends and family with late-April birthdays, strolling through the 'hood with Dean, hitting the grocery store to try and get inspired about dinner. This was all before Dean decided that all he wanted to do today was nap. All. Day. He did stay awake long enough to dribble formula all over himself and me, which prompted me to give him a bath, which prompted him to pass out. Anyway, since I have some free time, I decided to clean out the remaining drawers in my dresser, clean out some old purses and make a final bag for Goodwill. That didn't take as long as I thought, so I decided to tackle the cabinet under the bathroom sink. Now I admit to being a bit of a hoarder when it comes to bathroom things. I love lotion, body wash, sample-sizes, all such as that. But y'all. Even I have to admit that my findings were a little out of control. Let's inventory, shall we?

I found:

*Enough band-aids to stop the world from bleeding. Forever. Seriously, there are like 20 boxes under there. Fortunately, I can use them to re-stock my stage management kit.

*4 bottles of Advil liqui-gels. Before I got pregnant and was then diagnosed with PKD, this was my pain reliever of choice. Now I'm Tylenol all the way. But Marcus keeps telling me we are out of Advil, so I keep buying it. And now we have 4 bottles. I condensed them down to 2.

*A bottle of body splash I received as a gift in 2001. I know.

*Approximately 500 of those neat little makeup bags Clinique gives you as a free gift when you buy $21.50 worth of stuff. My mom always sends me hers. Did I mention how cool my mom is? They are filled with trial-sized goodies, and we all know how Jen looooooves trial-sized things! I haven't had to buy mascara in 3 years.

*5 bottles of various prenatal vitamins (none of which I could keep in my stomach for more than 20 minutes) and a bottle of Centrum Silver, which eventually became my prenatal vitamin of choice.

*A bottle of M, Mariah Carey's perfume. I got it when I was on The View.

*2 pairs of those mesh panties they put on you in the hospital after your c-section. Now I don't remember a lot about the few days following Dean's birth (thank you, Percocet), but I do remember packing these in my bag to bring home, along with a package of the enormous sanitary napkins they give you in the hospital. I have no idea when or where I thought I would need to wear mesh panties, but I'll be danged if I wasn't leaving with mine! Maybe I'll put them in my stage management kit.

*Hundreds of Kotex. Seriously. Hundreds. And I just bought a new pack last week. So hundreds and 24.

*Venus razor blades!!!!! I'm actually really excited about these because they are expensive!

*3 trial-sized cans of Edge shave gel. These belong to my husband. One of my pet-peeves about Marcus is his complete inability to prioritize what needs to go in his makeup kit when we travel. (I know it's an "overnight kit" because he's a guy, but I call it his makeup kit. Because it irks him. And that makes me giggle.) He NEVER brings shaving cream. He ALWAYS borrows a full-sized can from his dad when we visit, then steals it. Therefore, we also have 6, count em, 6 full-sized cans in our 1/2 squre foot bathroom. Gr.

*17 small bottles of hand lotion. This is because Marcus and I both had terribly dry skin in the days after Dean's birth, probably because of all the Purell, baby wipes and hand soap we used during diaper duty. I have now distributed our favorites among my purse, his makeup bag (hahahaha), my makeup bag, my stage management kit (which is getting SO totally stocked!) and our home. I now feel that I must tell you about Glysomed, the best hand lotion in the world. Unfortunately, it kind of smells like old ladies at church (slightly rosy). The good news is that it works so well, you just don't care!

And now, a free moving tip from Jen:
When purging your bathroom cabinet, be careful not to pour out too many different scents of lotion, perfume and body spray on the same day. Spread it out or else you, too, will end up smelling like a mix of Clinique Happy Jasmine Ylang Ylang White Tea Lemon Verbena Cucumber Melon Baby Powder. Mmm Mmm.